There are 26.8 million hits when you Google the old man's name
Mom gets 25.9 million hits when you Google her ass
, meaning her name, but you know what I mean so quit playing coy, you bastard. And don't even think about talking smack about my Mom's unbelievably great breasts
, unless you want a Size 0 foot up your ass.
Maddox and Zahara -- the rugrats Mom adopted before she got knocked up -- got the Jolie-Pitt last name today
, which was fine, kinda. Just so long as they don't think they're the Anointed One, 'cause that would be me
, the only one who carries the genetic splendor of Brad and Angie.
What's that? You wanna call them "Brangelina"? You think that's cute? It's old, that's what it is. Old and tired and used-up, like Jennifer Lopez. Or that chick with the hair from Friends
-- what was her name, anyway?
Well spank my ass and call me naughty. Did I actually say that?